Memories
by AllIHaveIsYou
Summary: Bella has been placed in Forks mental asylum, she was in a car accident which almost killed her and her fiancee, and she had a nervous breakdown. what will happen when she sees a more than familiar face? its better than it sounds honestly...AH AU COMPLETE
1. Prologue

**So this is my next fic, its Bella's POV, It's AU and AH, this is the prologue and first chapter...enjoy...dont forget to tell me what you think...  
Oh yeah, everything in italics are memories, flash backs, that sort of thing.... its mostly just her therapy sessions, in which we find out about her story and a load of cute little scenes with Edward, **

**Disclaimer: Twilight isnt mine, if it were...I'd be sunbathing with Edward right about now...**

Prologue

I sat there covered in the woman's blood, looking down at the body. No I can't do this, I didn't. I was getting better,

"I WAS GETTING BETTER." I yelled into the open space of the office. I fell against the wall clutching my hands to my chest; my breathing had escalated into hyperventilation as I slid down the wall to the ground. "I was getting better," I whispered, crying into my blood stained hands.

"Bella?" his voice rang out, it was too late; he was going to find me.


	2. First sight

**Ok so this is where it starts really, you'll get the gist...hopefully...it may seem a bit all over the place because of her memories/flashbacks (they are in italics) but you have to remember where she is...**

**also..I've had a lot of free time on my hands to write...I have tonsillitis..yay...so let me know if I'm making sense...**

I sat admiring the garden; it was my favourite area of this whole place. The dull grey walls, the grey floors, the grey bed sheets, the grey curtains. Everything but this precious space was grey. I looked up at the sky, the grey had taken over the sky too, there was nothing but the grey.

The leave rustled in the trees above my head, I smiled and let the breeze wash over my face.

"Bella, come see, they are flying...look." Angela grabbed my arm, I turned towards her. I was annoyed this girl had interrupted my me time, also she was touching me. She saw my expression and backed away, "its okay, I guess I'll come back when they are sitting on the leaves..." she mumbled and walked away from me.

I had no idea what 'they' were, the girl was crazy, well I guess we all were.

Here I am sat in the garden of Forks psychiatric hospital, under a tree being bothered by a girl who is seeing things.

That's when I saw him, I knew him straight away, no time could make me forget him, no amount of medication, no amount of alone time, could keep me from remembering his face.

His bronze hair, touloused as always, fluttered in the breeze, he was stood with Dr Snow, a vile little man. He turned his body towards me and locked my eyes instantly with his green orbs, he froze.

It all flooded back to me as he turned to the doctor and asked him my name,

"Oh, that's Bella; she's been with us for a few years now."

"What happened?" his velvet voice asked, what happened? You should be dead, that's what happened. You shouldn't be alive.

"She was in a car crash with her fiancée, he survived but had severe brain trauma, they said he would never wake up and Bella took it badly."

"Badly?" the god repeated,

"Yes, she had a breakdown, said she could hear him, as if he was still with her. She freaked out and almost killed herself and her best friend, they brought her here and she's attacked every nurse that's been assigned to her, just be careful, Edward, especially around her."

"I will," he looked over at me again, I stared at him, wanting to believe that he was really here, the logical part of my brain telling me that I was hallucinating, that I had damaged myself so much that I was seeing him now, that I was worse than Angela.

He started walking towards me, like he did that night, getting into my car,

"_You're driving? God where's my seatbelt?" he fumbled dramatically as I got into the driver side, sighing in relief when he clicked it into place, I rolled my eyes at his stupidity and he leaned over to me with that beautiful smile stretching across his face, his hand cupped my cheek and he pulled my lips to his. My heart thudded erratically._

He was standing feet from me, my heart beating frantically, like it always had. He looked the same, a little older but that's what six years will do to you, he smiled a friendly smile at me.

"It's Bella, yes? I'm Edward...Masen, the new doctor."

I know who you are, I wanted to say, but I never truly knew if this was my mind playing with me or that the love of my existence was standing close to me, like nothing had ever happened.

"Hmm, I thought I would come over and introduce myself as I will be taking over for Dr Cullen,"

"Where is Carlisle?" my tone came out clipped, he noticed. He did the eyebrow thing, pulling them together as if he was analysing me. "And don't do that," I added,

"What?" he asked innocently,

"That..." I narrowed my eyes, "stop analysing everything I'm doing, at least wait for therapy,"

He chuckled, that laugh. My memory had not done it justice.

"_I can't cook!" he laughed the most beautiful sound, I turned towards the cooker,_

"_No, you don't know if you can you've never tried," _

"_I did once, I burnt everything," his arms wrapped around my waist as he came up behind me._

"I suppose I could wait a couple of hours before my evaluation, I haven't had a chance to look through Dr Cullen's notes on you yet..."

"Where is he?" I asked again. As much as I would love having Edward as my therapist, I trusted Carlisle with everything; he was the only person I did trust.

"He is taking a leave of absence,"

Carlisle wasn't here; the only thing keeping me tethered to this place was gone. I never showed it but I began to panic a little, I couldn't tell Edward everything, he didn't even seem to recognise me.

My heart plummeted, he didn't recognise me at all, and how had I only just noticed that? He must be real; my mind would never be that cruel to me.

He was real, and he was here, and he was my new therapist. I was going to have to talk to him.

"Well then Dr Masen, I'll see you at three," I stood up and launched myself across the grounds, planning to get as far away from him as possible.

**Like it?**


	3. What’s your favourite colour?

**I should mention that the memories...which are all italic-ed...are different from the hallucinations, the hallucinations are like the ones in New Moon, just his voice...**

**This is Edward and Bella's first therapy session...**

He was sat in his chair when I came into his office, the place was nice, I suppose. The bookshelves ran all around the room, leaving a gap for the window and door. There was a large desk at the top with comfortable arm chairs at the other end. I had seen the office before; it was the same in every room.

"Bella," he greeted me, the butterflies that assaulted my stomach came back with full force. I sat in the arm chair and he got up and sat opposite me, shrugging out of his jacket. My eyes raked over his familiar body. "I've read through your file and you don't seem to be progressing much,"

I stayed silent. His eyebrows pulled together again,

"yes, well you talk to Dr Cullen and no one else, but that's all you do Bella, he writes that you have not yet let go of your trauma, would you like to discuss this with me,"

"_GET HIM OUT, Edward can you hear me?" blood seeped through the huge gash on his fore head, his eyes shut as the paramedic threw open the door to the car. _

"_We have heavy blood loss, possible fractures to the neck, I need that neck brace, now!"_

"_Please is he breathing, I need to see, Edward please answer me!"_

"_Miss, are you okay?" another paramedic was pulling me out of the car, he was pulling me away from my Edward, I kicked and screamed. _

_I saw them pulling him from the car, strapped to the trolley and being loaded into the ambulance with four paramedics rushing about him._

"Bella, I want you to be able to trust me, this way I can know more about you and you can ask me questions too if you would like, if that would help you,"

I contemplated that; I already had a question a few beats later,

"When did you become a doctor?"

He smiled at me but answered, "I graduated a year ago,"

Just a year, he had only been a doctor a year,

"What happened when you got hit by the truck?" he asked, my body went cold,

"_I think there is a turn somewhere here Bella, we may have missed it," he smiled, but I knew he was getting frustrated, I sighed dramatically and looked up at the traffic lights, they flickered to green and I crossed the intersection. Then everything went black, I knew there was noise, a loud banging sound, then there was pain, lots of pain._

"We got hit by a truck," the we meaning us, literally,

"Yes I know that part, what happened after?" his voice was inquiring trying to lift the answers from me. I wasn't stupid; he wanted me to talk about my hallucinations, that much was documented on the sheet of paper in front of him.

"It's my turn," I said simply,

"Your turn to what?" he seemed puzzled by my statement, I smiled at him,

"You asked one, now I get to ask one,"

He clicked onto my words and nodded his face lighting up in his crooked smile; again my memory hadn't done it justice.

"What did you want to be before you were a doctor?"

He leaned back in his chair, thinking about his answer,

"I think I've always wanted to be a doctor,"

He was wrong; he wanted to be a composer. He loved his piano, he loved everything with a beat and a tempo that he could write to, that he could play to,

"How long has that been?"

"No, it's my turn," he laughed at me, "okay, I guess, about four years maybe five, I was in an accident a few years ago and had to have therapy in case I was traumatised, but I couldn't remember anything. I just know that sitting in that office made me want to be on the other side of the desk, helping people like I was helped,"

I sat there staring at him, he didn't remember anything...the accident, the coma...me.

"When was the last time you heard his voice?" he hadn't deviated from his topic, he was good.

Today, I wanted to say. But I knew what he really meant, when was the last time I heard his voice when he wasn't the one speaking it, when was the last time I had heard him tell me not to do something, or plead with me to go to sleep.

"Last week sometime,"

"So recently?" He wrote something down,

"Yes"

"And what were you doing?"

"What's your favourite colour?" I asked, hoping that I wouldn't give in so easily,

He looked up from his notes and grinned at me again, I smiled politely at him, waiting for his answer,

"Blue,"

"_That colour looks so beautiful on you Bella," he murmured into my skin, caressing my neck with his lips._

His favourite colour was always blue, I was happy to see that not all of my Edward was gone. I thought about his previous question, my mood dissipated when I thought about it,

"I was in my room, and a nurse came in,"

"Your last assault was the last time you heard his voice?"

"I don't like the nurses here," I defended myself,

"And what did he say?"

I thought about his voice, the velvet smoothness growling at me to stop hitting the woman in front of me,

"He told me to stop, he always tells me to stop," he noted my tone, and wrote something down again, "that's rude you know,"

"What?"

"You shouldn't write stuff down when I'm talking, you might miss something, and it makes me feel like another piece of paperwork,"

"So you have a medical degree?" he asked sceptically, I raised my eyebrows,

"no but other patients around here don't like that, me included," I stood up, he followed me with his eyes, I went to the book case and traced the shelves with my fingers, he stayed silent, "you should try a tape recorder, that way you can play back everything, and we feel like you're paying complete attention to us,"

That's what Carlisle told me, I smiled at myself,

"Do you not like it when he tells you to stop?" he asked quietly, my smile faded, I turned to him. He wasn't going to be distracted.

"It's not that, exactly."

"What is it then?"

I sighed looking over at the clock, I still had fifteen minutes left, it seemed like such a short amount of time with him, yet such a long span on this conversation topic. "it's just when I do things like that, that's the only time I can hear him, and when he tells me stop, he is angry with me." my voice was quiet by the end. I walked over and sat back in the chair, expecting him to be scribbling away. He was looking at me curiously,

"Bella do you do these things...?"

"What things?" I cut him off; he glanced down at his sheet,

"Assault to both staff and patients, property damage, attempted suicide,"

"Lauren asked for it," I cut him off again,

"Well, that's debatable, having a chair thrown at you can never be asked for,"

She did ask for it, no one calls my best friend a stupid pixie and gets away with it, Alice and I joked later on that she saw it coming, and she wanted Lauren to get a face full of chair so she didn't stop me.

Alice was my only friend here who was actually a patient, she 'saw' things, only the difference between her and Angela was that I actually believed her. Either she could see the future or she was fixing everything, from TV shows to pregnancies to food menus.

"Bella, our time is almost up," he said after a few moments silence, "but before you I wanted to ask you, why didn't you tell Carlisle about the angry hallucinations? His notes, they are full of your pleasant ones, never once have you mentioned anything about your voice being mad at you..."

My voice? The velvet tone that usually addressed me when I was being reckless was not my voice. I shrugged and stood up ready to leave. He stood and walked towards the door.

"Until Wednesday." He said, my stomach being battered by those darn butterflies at the thought of it, I smiled at him, walking through the door. He went to shut it and I held it open with my hand,

"In his notes, does it say the name of my voice?"

He hesitated at my question, "no...He refers to it as 'him' or 'he'," I smiled even wider and turned around, my plan to find Alice.

**Tah Dah....next one up soon...I'm an updatey tyrant..mwhahaha**


	4. Best case scenario

**See? I just can't help myself...its like...must....update.....must..... **

**okay I'm posting the next two together....because they are short and all, :)**

"As in Edward, Edward?"

"That's what I said," rolling my eyes at my short, dark haired friend I sat down on the edge of my bed, she followed suit sitting on hers. Me and Alice had met in this place, fate throwing us together as roommates, but now we were more like sisters. As I said she had an uncanny ability to predict the weirdest things. The first words she said to me? "I moved my stuff to the right side; you like to sleep under the window,"

Yes it was creepy, and yes I avoided her for a while, until she told me that tomorrow I would talk to her, tomorrow being the day we were put together when the electricity ran out, me being scared of the dark it was only natural I would talk to her, if only to calm my own nerves.

"Actually here? Not in your cute little head?"

"Gee Alice did you not see him coming?" I joked playfully laughing at her, her tiny face scrunched up in annoyance.

"What are you going to do?" she asked,

Truthfully I had no idea. What was I supposed to say to him? Oh and by the way I'm your long lost fiancée who you don't remember because I drove you into an oncoming truck.

"Ugh, I can't do anything,"

"Why not?" her face long past the annoying, more into curious.

"If I say something, what will happen? He will get transferred, or I will. Legally he shouldn't even be my therapist, because he is the reason I need therapy to begin with! And that's the best case scenario, worst case? He flips out, goes all crazy because he clearly has not been told much about his previous life or even the accident. Either that or he freaks out or leaves without another word...I'd rather just be in his life, and if that means only seeing him during therapy then..." I trailed off, my words sinking in slowly, I was right, if I told him then we would be separated, whether by him or by the hospital,

"I would think the best case scenario was that he would sweep you into his arms and tell you that he remembers you,"

"Yeah well that's not going to happen is it?"

"Why are you asking me it's not like I'm psychic," she giggled, her humour brought my mood up a little,

"_Do you have any idea how much I missed you?" he kissed my forehead, my cheeks, my eyelids, anywhere he could reach. I laughed at him,_

"_If it's anything like I've missed you..." his lips found mine, crushing against them eagerly. He parted them his mouth moved with mine, our lips moulding around each other's perfectly. _

"_You're so much better than I remembered," he said once we broke apart to breathe,_

"When's you're next session?"

"Wednesday, ugh," I moaned throwing myself backwards onto the bed and bringing my arms up to cover my eyes,

The door knocked and I peeked through my arm to see who it was, Jasper popped his head round the door, "hey, can I come in?"

"Jazz!" Alice threw herself off the bed and jumped into his arms, he clutched her tightly and nuzzled his head into her neck,

"I've missed you," he whispered.

That was it, I couldn't be in here, this was too close to my memories, I couldn't stand it. I stood up and made my way past the reuniting couple.

Alice and Jasper had been separated for a solid month; they had met when Jasper came to visit his friend, who was an orderly here. Emmett quit the job when he had found his soul mate, a beautiful blonde. Me, Alice and Emmett had gotten close, he thought that neither Alice nor myself needed to be in a place like this. Emmett introduced Alice to Jasper and they immediately fell for each other. Alice, of course, had told me before she saw a tall blonde man in her future, again with the predictions.

I walked up to the living area, seeing a handful of patients sitting around a TV like it was the focus of the universe is enough to put anyone off it, so I just walked over to the book shelf, pulled out my copy of Wuthering Heights from the place I had hidden it, sat down and started to read

_"What are you reading now?" his voice sounded intrigued,_

_"Just another book I found at the bookstore," I looked down at the book, it was a cheap little thing that caught my eye when I was looking for a more lengthy read, _

_"I love how you can do that,"_

_"What?"_

_"Tune out the world and just read, you look beautiful when you pick up a book," he smiled at me and I could feel the heat rise up into my cheeks._


	5. Today is Wednesday

"_Morning..." _

"_Morning," I copied, snuggling into his chest, his arm wrapped tightly around me. The bright light shone through the curtains, making me shut my eyes and burrow further into his embrace. He chuckled,_

"_Not ready to get up yet?"_

"_Nuh uh"_

"_Nuh uh? Nuh uh?" he copied running his hands down my sides tickling me, I laughed and threw my body about, _

"_Edward stop it...ahh!"_

I opened my eyes to find myself lying on my bed, alone, just like every other morning.

I wrenched myself up and trudged into the hall, still clad in my pyjamas, to the nurses' station,

"Bella! Good morning," Jessica's face was clearly that of an overexcited idiot, maybe she's been taking the drugs she's supposed to be giving out, or maybe Mike finally proposed to her, my condolences to the guy,

"He proposed," Alice whispered in my ear, confirming my theory,

"How'd you know?" I faked intrigue, she smiled and gestured to Jessica's left hand, sure enough there was a small diamond decorating her finger.

"Bella you'll never guess what," she babbled handing me my pills,

"Mike proposed?" I guessed, she smiled and nodded showing me the ring, then admiring it herself,

"I thought he was never going to do it, but then he got down..." I walked off, not caring enough to listen to her rant, Jessica always annoyed me to the point of walking away from her often, yet the next time I saw her, she couldn't help but gush about something else. Like she couldn't get the hint.

Alice followed me, slipping her pills into her jean pocket. I had already slipped mine away. We both felt that neither of us had anything wrong with us, we didn't need them, and Jessica never really cared enough to make us take them in front of her.

"So..."

"So?" I asked walking back into my room, Alice shut the conspicuously behind her, I just rolled my eyes, when she pressed her back against it dramatically, her eyes searching the room,

"I don't think they followed us," she whispered, before giggling hysterically. I laughed too and dropped my capsules into a little box that was hidden under the hollow base of my lamp; Alice did the same, and then sat next to me. "Today's Wednesday..."

"Yup, today is Wednesday,"

She swung her feet from side to side, before looking at me again. "What are you going to talk about?"

"Whatever he wants to know,"

"What if he asks about himself?"

"I'm sure he knows plenty about himself Alice," she scowled at me,

"You know what I mean,"

"Yes I do," and with that I stood up and walked out of the door,

"Have fun in the garden," Alice called; she didn't need to be psychic to know that's where I was headed. It was cold outside and I regretted not getting dressed before coming out here. I sat with my back against the tree that I was so fond of and watched the morning go by, my mind flying at all the things I could and very well might talk about with Edward later on today.

'_Ok, now we have to play a game' he said suddenly when I picked up a grape. I looked at him in confusion but he straightened up out of his relaxed pose and crossed his legs.  
__He took the grape out of my hand and gestured for me to sit up, I propped myself up on my right arm, finally getting at what he was going to do. I laughed and he smiled, holding his hand up, raising his eyebrows as he waited.  
__I opened my mouth and he smiled, aiming the grape, but missing. That just made me laugh harder. He frowned and let me take a turn. I obviously missed._

'_I think we need an incentive' I moaned after three tries, looking at the scattered grapes around us._

'_Ok then,' he smiled again picking up a grape. 'If I get it in, I get a kiss, incentive enough?'_

_I nodded my head, and opened my mouth, he didn't throw it but dropped it in, smiling hugely he leaned over to kiss me but I put one finger on his lips, and kissed the corner of his mouth, softly touching my lips against the skin there, I wanted nothing more than to kiss him fully but...  
_'_Cheater' I giggled, he fell back onto his arm and smiled shaking his head. I picked up another grape, pulling my face into a mask of concentration. I smiled up at him and threw the grape softly, if I wanted the feeling of his lips against mine I would concentrate, I got it in, well with some help, it almost rolled out but he obviously wanted to kiss me because he caught it in his teeth before it could leave his mouth. I smiled at him smugly. Like before he leaned over, his lips caught mine with such energy; I leaned into him. I felt his hands sliding around my neck, holding my hair there. I sighed into his lips and they moved against mine. My arm came up and wound around his neck bringing him closer to me. He leant back and I was pushed onto the grass, his other hand was under me at the small of my back, pulling me against him, while my lips never left his.  
__He gently slowed his mouth, and pulled back from the kiss, pressing his lips to mine for a second time, then a third. I opened my eyes, my breathing had not really returned to normal, and neither had his. He chuckled._

I sat there until the clouds finally got their way and a small mist of rain fell from the sky, I grumbled and got to my feet.

**And I leave you here...Just before their session....hehe.....**


	6. Please call me Edward

**Aww...So this is the second therapy session...enjoy...**

"Bella," he smiled, I let out a sigh of relief, seeing him frequently would need some getting used to after not seeing him for six years,

"Dr Masen,"

"Please call me Edward," he smiled again and walked over to the chairs, I followed and he pulled out a little black box, "I took you're advice," he gestured to the voice recorder; I smiled and sat down opposite him.

"How are you?" I asked as he opened his mouth, no doubt to ask the same question, he pulled back, pressed the button on the recorder and smiled at me,

"I'm very good, thank you, yourself?"

"I'm okay," actually I'm nervous, very nervous,

"What would you like to talk about today?" he asked, I repeated the answer I gave Alice,

"Whatever you want to discuss," I said formally, he smiled a little and leant forward, placing his elbows on his knees,

"How about the first assault? I would like to know what _he_ had to say about that," I looked at him impassively, although I thought carefully about my answer. "It was you first week here,"

"I remember, you don't forget things like that," I replied curtly,

"Things like what?"

"It's all in my notes, why don't you just read them?"

"Because I want you to tell me, not Dr Cullen," I sighed, and looked out of the window,

"The nurse was saying things to me, trying to provoke me, I can't be blamed for my actions," I mean who antagonises a female mental patient who has just lost her fiancée to a coma? "Look I don't want to talk about this, can we just move on to something else?"

"What did _he_ tell you when you hit Eric over the head with his medical tray?"

I looked into his eyes, the emerald glittered at me. for some reason it sounded worse coming from his beautiful lips, I felt ashamed for my actions, not that I had caused the nurse any real harm,

"He said to leave him, that he wasn't worth it, that I'll be okay if I just let them come in and calm me down," I whispered moving my head back to the window.

"I see, and the second time?" I sighed again thinking off the other nurse that had tried to restrain me on one of my bad days. She came at me with the needle, I remember twisting her arm and plunging the point into her own leg, and pushing the plunger down with my hand.

"He said that I should put the needle down,"

"Was he angry with you afterwards?"

"I didn't hear him afterwards; I could only hear him when it was happening,"

I stood up and made my way over to the bookshelf again, idly reading the titles. He watched me intently,

"Who is your favourite author?" I asked trying to deviate the conversation,

"I have many favourites," he replied, I scanned the cases until I found the one I was looking for, I was glad it was here, surely he had some memory,

"When was the first time you read this one?" I held it out and he took it, examining the cover,

"I don't really know, I just know that I love it so I keep it close," he took the book and walked back over to the shelf and placed it in the exact same place as it was before I moved it. "Tell me about night time Bella," he said, walking back over to the chair, I didn't follow, instead I walked over to his desk, looking at all the random items he had,

"night time is the when the sun falls behind the horizon Edward, you're a doctor you should know that," I replied simply, sitting in his chair, swivelling a little from side to side, he watched me with a smile on his face,

"Yes I should know that I suppose, what I meant is..."

"What does _he_ say to me at night?"

"Yes that's what I meant," he smiled, I sighed,

"_Mm, I love you Bella," he started humming a tune, his voice wrapping around the notes like a caress beautifully, that coupled with his strong arms clutching me to his naked chest was sending me into the most blissful dream like state,_

"He doesn't _say_ anything, most of the time he isn't there, "

"What does he do if he doesn't speak?"

I knew he knew, he had to know, he used to hum me to sleep almost every night, how could he not remember?

"He..." I trailed off, staring at my lap,

"Hums?" my head snapped up, he remembered, I smiled at him and he looked down at his notes again, "Carlisle writes that you have a lullaby that he sings to you," my face fell he didn't remember at all, he could just read.

"Yes,"

"I would like to hear it sometime," he smiled at me,

"I'll show you...sometime,"

"Well maybe next time?" he asked hopefully, I just looked at the clock, realising my time with him was up and shrugged; I got up out of his chair and walked towards the door, remembering something.

"I keep a copy of Wuthering Heights close to me too,"

He looked shocked, but stood and smiled,

"Well I'm glad we have something in common," I smiled back at him and walked out of the room.

**So review and tell me what you think....thankies...**


	7. She's not my type

**Um..I had to repost this chapter....I dunno what happened it just wasnt there anymore...lol...so here it is...**

"And he has a copy of our book in his office..." I trailed off gushing to Alice the next day, in the eating hall like a schoolgirl,

"He still keeps a copy? Oh my god, I wish he were my therapist, mine just keeps asking me to predict lottery numbers, I swear if he says it once more I'll predict his untimely demise," she giggled at me and I joined her, "when's you next session?" she asked biting into her sandwich.

"Tuesday,"

After we had finished eating we sat outside, the sun was peeking from behind tiny white fluffy clouds, and we had taken our usual spot. Alice lay on the ground next to the tall tree; I sat with my back to it.

"I told him about the hallucinations, you know the angry ones," I said out of the blue, she looked up from the flower she was playing with, her eyes wide. She sat up and crossed her legs,

"You've never told anyone about those Bella, we talked about why you shouldn't, and they will think you are chasing them, they might put you on stronger meds..."

"No I don't think he will," I murmured,

"You can't know that,"

"I know, but I think he understands Alice," I let my head drop against the tree and sighed,

"Yeah well don't scream at me when I say I told you so,"

"You won't," I smiled, there was a few moments of silence and she jumped up, announcing she has things to do. I got the impression she was angry with me, but I knew it wouldn't last. Alice loved me too much.

I looked over to my left and noticed Edward walking across the grounds; I would've smiled if I didn't see Jessica with him. She was talking animatedly at him, he just looked frustrated. I smiled to myself, she was obviously trying to flirt with him, I was far enough away that I couldn't hear what she was saying but her intentions were obvious.

I laughed when she did, she threw her hands up and patted his shoulder with her left hand, and he must have noticed her ring, because she held it at arm's length to admire it before waving her hand dismissively.

His eyes met mine then and he addressed her without looking at her, and made his way over to me, she looked puzzled then walked off in the opposite direction with her hand held close to her ear.

"looks like you have a fan," I giggled, his smile fell and he grumbled, he sat down next to me and I looked at him puzzled as to why he was sitting with me.

"She's not my type," he looked at my face, "I have some hours to kill, I thought I would come and see my patient out of the interrogation room," he winked at me and laughed, I joined in.

"And what is your type?" I asked, he was silent for a couple of seconds; he seemed to choose his words carefully,

"I'll know when I see her,"

"_I love you Bella, I have loved you pretty much since I saw you, sitting across from me in class, please say that you feel the same, because I..."_

"_Edward what are you doing?" I interrupted him talking to himself in the kitchen; he looked at me his face blushing,_

"_Bella, I, I was...um" he looked down and I smiled,_

"_Edward?"_

"_Hmm?"_

"_I love you too," he snapped his head up, his face that of pure joy. He raced towards me picking me up and twirling with me, "okay you can put me down now,"_

"_Never"_

"It's nice to see the sun isn't it?" he smiled,

"Mm hmm," I nodded, "Jacob loves it when it's sunny," I said without realising, it was too easy to slip back into the old way, the way where I told him everything that popped into my head.

"Jacob? That's your best friend?"

"Alice is my best friend," I replied, it was true, she was. Jacob and I were long lost friends now, now that I asked him to stop visiting me.

"Okay, he's you're _friend_?"

"Kind of,"

"I don't understand..."

I sighed and smiled at him, "he _was_ my best friend, but we have different views on a touchy subject, I asked him to stop visiting me...so I think he is still my friend but we don't speak..."

I was getting sad thinking of Jacob, I did miss him, but not enough for him to come back into my world.

"What was the subject?"

"I thought we were out of the interrogation room?"

"I have no clipboard see? I'm just curious,"

You were the subject, I wanted to say, because I knew you would wake up, he didn't.

"It doesn't matter now,"

"If you say so," he smiled and tilted his head up to the patch of sunlight that came through the leaves; I had the strangest feeling he wasn't going to let it go...

**The next one is where we find out about Jacob...  
So stay tuned....(I've always wanted to say that :D) and review me...I get a buzz when I see them in my inbox....**


	8. Jacob

**R****ight so the Chapter with Jacob...I like Jacob personally, but he _was_ a tad annoying in eclipse, so in this story he loves her only as a friend, kay?  
Oh and I'm still all choked up with the toncilitis... :( so I was thinking about writing a Jake/Ness fic....hmmmm......but anyway...here be chapter 7...**

_I had the strangest feeling he wasn't going to let it go..._

I was right...

"Why don't we talk about Jacob?" I winced at the sound of his name,

"It was an accident," I murmured,

"You pushed him down three flights of concrete steps, Bella,"

"_Bella, you need to stop this, he isn't going to wake up, you can't hear him!" he yelled at me over the wind, he pulled me by my arm off the ledge, I wasn't going to jump, I don't think. I was just enjoying the cold wind whipping my hair around my face; I could hear__** him **__telling me to get down,_

"_Don't say that!" I yelled back pulling away from him and throwing myself towards the ledge. Maybe I was going to jump,  
His arms flew around my waist and he pulled me off the roof of the hospital, he carried me to the door to the stairs, "let me go, I need to hear him, LET ME GO!" I was kicking and bucking against him wildly._

"_No Bella, you can't, Edward is downstairs in a coma," he put me down by the top of the stairs and shut the door behind him,_

"_He's coming back to me, he will wake up!"_

"_Bella __**you**__ need to wake up! God you sound crazy," he walked past me to the stairs, walking down two of them before looking back towards me, "I love you, Bella, but I hate to see you like this, it hurts me. You need to accept that Edward is practically dead,"_

"_HE IS NOT DEAD!" I snapped, launching myself, to walk past him, he thought I was trying to throw myself down the stairs and grabbed my shoulders,_

"_Bella, no!" he pushed me backwards, causing me to fall on the top landing, but he lost his balance when I pushed against him and he fell back, his face was terrified.  
_

"I didn't push him, we both fell but he pushed me away, I fell onto the landing but he fell backwards,"

"This was after you tried to commit suicide?"

I put my head in my hands, I could feel the tears in my eyes as I thought of Jake in his hospital bed, telling me that it was okay and that it wasn't my fault,

"Bella, are you alright?" he sounded worried,

No, he wasn't allowed to do that, he had to stay neutral; this is the only way it can work. He could not feel anything close to what we used to feel, it would just make the separation worse.

"I have to go," I mumbled,

"We have half an hour left," he stated and I sank back into my chair after half leaving it. I leant forward and my head returned to my hands,

"Bella I didn't mean to upset you," he whispered,

He can't do this, he can't get emotionally attached. I won't let him, I can't let him. He had built himself a new life, a happy life. I won't destroy that,

"Let's talk about something else," I suggested,

"Like what?" he agreed, he was going against everything, he was supposed to make me embrace the pain of my actions to help me, but he was allowing me to change the subject. I shook my head.

"You're last hallucination? Have you had one since the assault?"

I lifted my head an thought back, I couldn't remember any hallucinations, I couldn't remember his voice in my head that he hadn't spoken out loud.

"No I haven't," I sounded shocked. I couldn't help but think that it was because of Edward was in my life, he didn't love me the way my hallucination did, but at least he was here, in my life. At least I had that.

"Well that's good, isn't it? The medication and therapy must be working."

I briefly contemplated telling him I hadn't been taking my meds but thought against it. I would just be monitored closer and I wouldn't be able to handle that. He looked up at my expression and misjudged it,

"Bella, it's a good thing your mind isn't producing these any more, it means you can get better," his voice had an undertone to it, "please don't go chasing these illusions like before.."

"I won't," I promised, and I wouldn't, I would continue to settle for having Edward here with me instead.

**I'd give you a hint on what the next chapter is but I cant remember...so I'll just say...**

**  
"I can't stand fake Hayley haters!!"  
"WE HATE HAYLEY MORE PEOPLE SO GET IN LINE!!!!"  
**

**sorry..I'm watching Stick it....its very funny...and its got Kellan Lutz in it...if you haven't watched it IMDB it or you know...use youtube..... :)**


	9. Dream

**:( I've just had my Arm against Cervical Cancer jab and my arm is all numb...but its a good thing I've wrote so far ahead...wheeeee......**

**Okay so this is kind of a filler chapter....I'm only writing up till 14..I think...15 if you include my little Alternate Ending...which I will :D**

I grumbled into my pillow, Alice deciding that now would be the best time to come back into the room,

"Hey and how are you this morning?"

"He asked me about Jacob..." she sighed, and I could feel her weight on my bed,

"And you said?"

"I said it was an accident, I told him what happened," I pushed myself up and sat up looking at my dark haired friend,

"You never told Carlisle what happened," she raised her eyebrows at me,

"I know, it's just something about him, I can't help but tell him what he wants to know, its frustrating me so much,"

"When will I get to see him?" she whined,

"You might not want to, he'll look at you and you'll blurt out all the lottery numbers," I smiled and she giggled.

She was silent for a little while before she suggested something that she would never usually suggest,

"Why don't you take a sleeping pill and rest for a little while?"

I opened my mouth to argue with her, but it seemed like a good idea, so I shrugged. She patted my shoulder and stood up to draw the curtains. I reached into my hidden pills and took two of the blue ones out.

"I'll keep Jessica from checking up on you," she winked, probably thinking of ways to distract her, I smiled and dry swallowed the capsules, put my head on the pillow and waited for unconsciousness to come. I was aware that Alice shut the door quietly.

I knew I was dreaming, I had to be. Edward was with me, my head rested on his shoulder as I looked up into the sky, the stars were starting to shimmer against the black background of the night. I saw a small line of a flash, and gasped out loud. Edward chuckled.

_'I thought tonight would be the best night for it, there's a meteor shower'_

_I looked up at his face, it was smug. I shook my head and looked back up to the sky; there were more lines and flashes. More stars started to appear creating swirls of tiny dots, it was beautiful._

_'There look, see what it does?' he leaned his head so it touched mine, he pointed up and I saw what he was pointing to. The stars in the west of the sky, they made a pink swirl that shimmered when a few flashes went across it. I felt his head turn to look at me; it was hard to move my eyes from the spectacular sight in front of me. I looked at his face, my eyes had adjusted to the light and I could make out his features. His mouth was pulled up at the sides, in a smile, a smile that took my breath away. He turned his whole body to the side and took my face in his hands._

_'Bella, I...' he hesitated. He seemed to take a deep breath._

_'What?' I whispered, surprised by the intensity of his stare._

_'Will you marry me?"_

_I was slightly taken aback but the suddenness, but I could think of only one answer to give him,_

_'Yes, of course its yes' I gasped. He laughed a rather nervous laugh before pulling my face to his. The kiss started intensely his hands moved from my face, one twining in my hair the other to the small of my back, pulling me closer I could feel his body pressed into mine, even through our clothes, every line fitting into mine. My hands traced his arms, gripping them tighter. His tongue lightly traced my lips, I opened my mouth and sighed against them, he tasted amazing. I tried to pull myself closer to him but I realised I was already closer. I gasped as he left my lips, I hadn't realised but he held his breath too and was now dragging in gasps. I looked at him and brought my hand back up to his face._

_'I think we should...detangle' he laughed a shaky laugh; I just held on tighter_

I awoke to a dark room, Alice lightly snoring in her bed, the vividness of my memory was starting to make me nervous, I didn't sleep for the rest of the night.

**Ah sigh...I fell in LOVE with that dream....**

**next one up tonight...only because this one was a little one.... :)**


	10. I’d forgive you

**As promised**** here be chapter 9....enjoy..**

"I actually have a question for you," he said in our next session,

"Shoot," I said nonchalantly, but I was secretly eager to hear, and answer anything he wanted to know,

"What was your fiancée like?" I froze,

"That's a very personal question," I answered almost inaudibly,

"I know I'm sorry, it's just I feel I can be personal with you, if you would prefer not to talk about him..."

"It's okay," I whispered, "he...Um...played the piano," it seemed a silly place to start, but it was the first characteristic that came to my mind; I stared at the floor, remembering him, "he was a hopeless romantic, he couldn't cook, he liked to read and write music and he had this thing he would do when he was nervous..." I smiled, "he used to run his fingers through his hair,"

I looked up at Edward and he was looking at me, his hand held his pen to his paper, and he smiled apologetically, "your face tells me more than your words," he pointed to the recorder that sat on the table,

"What does my face tell you?"

"That you loved him, and that he loved you,"

"More than anything," I whispered,

"Do you blame yourself?" he asked quietly, as if he wanted to know the answer himself rather than for his notes, I did blame myself how could I not?

"Yes,"

"_It looks like Edward has severe brain haemorrhaging; we have him stabilized, but the severity of this injury means that he may never wake up, I'm sorry."_

"_YOU'RE SORRY!?" I cried leaning into Jacob, I walked away from the offending man in his white coat and moved to the edge of the bed that held the centre of my universe, "Edward please if you can hear me I'm so sorry," I leant in to kiss his forehead, my hand curling around his. "I should have let you drive, I suck at driving." The tears were falling down my face as my lips pressed themselves to his once._

"It's not your fault," he said quietly,

"It's the truck drivers; I know...people keep telling me that,"

"It's true, and I'm sure he would tell you the same,"

"He did..."

"Then why do you still think that it's your fault?"

"BEACAUSE I WAS DRIVING!" I yelled, I knew I shouldn't but it was so obvious, the driver is the one to blame, me.

"You weren't driving the truck..." he stated quietly. "I'm sure he sees it like that, I mean if it were me, I'd forgive you,"

I stopped breathing; he just said he would forgive me, my mind played over his words over and over in my head, if Edward could forgive me, could I forgive myself?

"Bella are you okay?" his frantic voice was in my ear, I realised I wasn't breathing. I let a gust out and drew in another one.

"Yes I...Just...I'm a little lightheaded.

"Do you want to finish for now?"

"Um...yes please," I went to stand up but wobbled slightly, he put his arms under mine and held me steady.

"_You and your balance" he chuckled, lifting me off the ground, I put my left foot down and felt the sharp pain shot up my leg,_

"_ow, ow, ow, ow,"_

"_What is it?" I leaned all of my weight on his arm that was supporting me,_

"_I think I've done some damage..." I laughed and tried to put the weight back on my ankle._

.

"Alice he said he would forgive me," I pulled her to the side, away from her lover, I shot Jasper an apologetic stare and he caught up my mood instantly, leaving to give us a couple of minutes,

"You told him!" she chastised,

"No of course not, do you think I'm insane?" She raised her eyebrows and looked pointedly around her, I laughed at her. "Don't you get it? He forgives me, do you know how long I've wanted to hear that from him," I sighed and leant against the wall,

"Are you going to tell him?"

Was I?

"No, I'm not telling anyone," I said glumly, I had made my decision; I was going to stick with it. she fidgeted, and looked at me, I looked behind me at her line of vision and saw Jasper and Jessica talking, I laughed at her nervousness, "go on, stop that woman from terrifying your man," she bounced forward and kissed my cheek before thanking me and running off to throw herself in Jaspers arms, kissing him. Jessica looked like she had been slapped in the face; I chuckled at her, and made my way into the garden.


	11. Déjà vu

**Ok so this is a short one, but its a pivotal one in the Edward and Bella relationship so enjoy....**

For once his next session wasn't gruelling, he was happy, less profession with me. He asked me questions because he was intrigued rather than because he had a lost piece of information, I almost completely forgot about the little black box recording our every sound. I don't know what changed but I was glad it had.

Again it was too easy to fall into the story that we were in love, that we belonged together. It was too easy to pretend that there was no crash, that we were talking, as we always did.

_I cuddled closer to him on the sofa, the familiar title sequence coming up on the TV,_

"_I love this film," I said tightening my grip on his chest,_

"_I know," he kissed the top of my head._

I found myself leaning towards him; his elbows already perched on his knees,

"But I knew he hated that film," I laughed at him,

"I know how he feels," I rolled my eyes at him,

"I'll have you know, that film is hilarious," I said, he shook his head a little and grinned,

"Déjà vu," he muttered, I smiled at him, I had said those same words to him before, he shook his head again and started laughing, I couldn't help but join in.

The laughter died when his eyes met mine, the green sparkling, our faces were inches apart and I could feel his breath touch my lips when his last chuckle fell from his lips. The now silent air charged between us.

His eyes fluttered to my lips and back up again, his tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip. He moved millimetres closer to me,

"Edward," I whispered moving to close the distance between us, he snapped out of it, quickly pulling out of his relaxed pose, his eyebrows coming together.

"Bella I...um...I thinks that's all for today,"

I looked at him confused; he was so close to me. I wanted to protest, I wanted to crush my lips to his for the thousandth time, but I stood up and nodded, leaving the room.

I sat on the edge of my bed, my arms wrapped around my torso, what had I done to myself?

I didn't realise when I was with him, but when I was away I knew that the relationship we had before the crash was the only relationship we could have. I couldn't exist without him in that way. I thought I would be satisfied with him in my life, but I was wrong, I thought of the intensity between us not ten minutes ago. It was still there, it had to be, something so strong cannot dissipate. I thought I just needed him in my life but I needed him to complete my life, something that would only happen if he held me the way he did before, if he kissed my lips the way he had done countless times and he told me he loved me they way he had done every day.

I needed to tell him, let him make his own decision. I would tell him about the crash, I would tell him about his coma, I would tell him that I knew I couldn't live without him. But I couldn't bring him that kind of pain. He was my Edward.

I thought about ways I could show him who he was; tell him what we had, what we could've had. My brain ran through a dozen different scenarios, each ending in mine or his removal. There wasn't a way I could tell him without us being separated.

But what if he found out on his own? What if I jogged his memory, like I had today in our session? I just needed something, something so strong that he wouldn't be able to resist remembering. And I knew exactly what to do.

**How would you jog your long lost fiance's memory?  
Again I know its evil of me, but I guess I'm leaving you here....remember reviews make me happy...**


	12. The lullaby

**I know my update day is tomorrow, but technically since its 00:34....it is tomorrow....HELP I have an update compulsion....eep**

**Did anyone guess what she was going to do to jog his memory? Well here it is....**

"I'd like to show you the lullaby now," I said, not moving into his office, but standing in the doorway.

He nodded and I turned to lead, he followed me, closing the door behind him. I walked calmly to the music room, the seriousness of what I was going to try to do not quite hitting me yet. I opened the door and made my way over to the small piano in the corner.

"Lock the door please?" I asked quietly, he nodded again, turning to lock the door behind him. I sat down at the piano and he followed suit, still not saying a word.

I looked down at the ivory keys and ran my fingertips across them. I was about to show the only knowledge of this instrument Ii had to the person who showed me how to play it in the first place, I took a deep breath, aware that Edward was watching me and place my fingers on the starting top notes.

I began to play the familiar tune for the first time since the crash, my fingers flowing on the top notes of the melody almost as flawlessly as he once did.

I felt my eyes drift closed as I embraced the familiar tune, I was shocked when his fingers played the low notes, in harmony with my fingers. I snapped my eyes open and stopped playing, his fingers replacing mine. He played the lullaby as he always did, perfectly.

He remembered, I felt my stomach fill with butterflies as I watched him play, taken aback with his beauty as I always was. He closed his eyes in concentration and I watched as his eyebrows came together slightly. His composition filled the room, memories flooded my brain,

_"Um, hello, my name is Edward,"  
__"Bella," I nodded in his direction, he smiled at me, my breathing stopped, I opened my mouth to say something, I'm not sure what, my mind was in a haze over this incredibly good looking guy sitting next me to, but the teacher decided that now would be a good chance to introduce me to the class, as the new girl. My embarrassment was clear on my face._

_--_

_"That's not even funny," his face faked anger, it looked silly with all the cake mix on it.  
__"Really I thought it was hilarious," I laughed again as a splodge fell from his chin,  
__"oh well you think it's **that **funny, let's see how funny you think it is when we match," he threw cake mix at me, I screamed and tried to move, not quickly enough, the blob of sugary mix landed right in my face. _

_--_

_"Just put those ones on the bed", I motioned as he carried in a giant box in his arms.  
__"You could help you know" he smiled,  
__"I am helping, it would be chaos without my direction" I smiled back at him. Sighing, I picked up a medium box at the door, and carried it into the spare bedroom. We carried on through the day; me lifting my fair share, all of my things in the spare bedroom, which Edward had said could be mine, though his bed upstairs would be ours._

_--_

_"Tanya is going to kill me if I can't get the next four chapters up for proof reading by tomorrow, I need to call her to see if she's still at the office because the laptop hates me and keeps throwing my files around" I folded my arms and looked over at my god of a fiancé, he was trying to keep a smile off his face.  
__"Let me see" he walked behind me and leaned over to run his long fingers over the mouse pad. I felt his breath on my ear and leant back into him. "There, got your files back see?" he smiled happily, I looked over at the computer screen and there they were, all 18 chapters staring at me, mocking me._

--

_"You look, um, wow" I muttered, he smiled at me and took my wrist. His hand was smooth against my skin.  
__"You look beautiful" he whispered, sliding his hand down, my breath stopped, why couldn't I articulate like that?_

He pulled his hands away from the keys when his fingers hit the last notes, his eyes opened and he looked at me curiously,

"How do I know that song?" he asked, he didn't remember, he just knew the notes, the melody, he never knew the meaning behind it. My plan had failed.

"I don't know," I whispered, "but it was beautiful" I stood up and walked towards the door, he made no intention of moving from the piano, I knew I couldn't get out without him, but as I turned he began another familiar song.

His fingers moved over the keys swiftly creating intricate patterns with the sounds, I just stared at him, his head bowed over the piano, his eyes open and studying each note he hit.

"_Do you like it?" he asked looking across the black topped grand piano,_

"_It's beautiful," I whispered,_

"_Well good, because..._

"I wrote it for you," he finished, I looked at him in confusion, he got up swiftly, unlocked and opened the door just as quick, he didn't look at me as he flew down the hall, into his office, slamming the door behind him,

"Bella what are you doing in there?" I heard Alice call me from the hall; I stumbled out, tripping on the lip of the door, but righting myself before I flew into her.

"Nothing I was just playing something on the piano,"

"I didn't hear the piano..." she trailed off but I was looking down the hall at the door that he was behind. I thought about confronting him, asking him if he were okay, then maybe telling him about the crash, I played out the scenario in my mind but couldn't bring myself to walk to his door. He had spoken the words that he had spoken to me when he wrote the song he just played. He had to remember now; I had at least given him that.

I didn't see him for the rest of the day.

I went to bed thinking about him as usual but questions kept popping into my mind, what would he do with the knowledge? Did he even get all of it back? I knew he recognised me and the song but did he remember the intensity of our relationship? Did he remember those nights he held me, the days he kissed me? I eventually drifted off, thinking of those nights and days.

**Okay so kicking into the climax in the next chapter...Bad things happen...consequences ensue...you get the idea....  
oh and I WILL be posting both of my endings...the one that I came up with first...so I guess its the real ending....and then the other one...which is...well......  
**


	13. Jessica

**So I'm feeling much better now...although I still have a week off work so thats dandy...I can still spend time running round this great website for at least one more week...yay....but anyways....so we continue......**

It was three in the morning; I couldn't sleep after waking from a very nice dream. Edward and I were lying on the beach, the waves lapping at our ankles. I recognised the place as the beach that he and I went to for our third date. He had picked me up and swung me round, meaning to be playful, but I knocked us off balance and we fell into the knee deep water.

I groaned and rolled over to face the ceiling, there was no way I was getting back to sleep on my own after _those_ memories. I thought about taking another sleeping pill, but I didn't want to. Instead I got up very quietly so not to wake Alice and peeked my head out of the door.

I vaguely saw Jessica's sleeping silhouette and decided it was okay to go and sit by the window in the living area. I could only see black windows, no shadows, no stars just black. I sighed in frustration at the sky. I folded my arms and leant against the glass.

I decided to see what kind of magazine Jessica was reading when she zonked out, maybe it would keep me occupied for a while.I tiptoed into the nurses' station and looked on the desk in front of her; I scrunched my eyes up to read the brown folders in front of her in the dim light.

Mary Alice Brandon.

Alice? Why did she have Alice's personal file? I looked at the other one.

Isabella Marie Swan

What? Why on earth was my personal file on Jessica's table, when she was the only one in here? My anger boiled up, I went to move past her slowly but I was fuming, I picked up the files but before I could lift my arms a hand came out to grab me,

"Bella what are you doing out of bed?" her polite voice asked me,

"a little light reading" I replied, gesturing to the folders, her eyes widened and her mouth set into a line as she stood up,

"Bella why don't you put the files down and go back to bed?" she calmly addressed me slowly, as if I wouldn't understand her,

"Why the hell do you have mine and Alice's file?" I asked, my anger barely reigned in,

"Have you been taking your meds? You wouldn't be awake if you had been; I should call up a doctor Bella,"

"Why the hell are you reading our files?" my voice got louder, she looked around her panicky for a second before smiling at me,

"Now Bella, if you put the files down we can discuss this calmly," she was talking slower than usual, she was taunting me.

"If you think I'm going to let this go," I slammed the folders down on the desk, "then you're mistaken," I said calmly, standing opposite her across the small room. She inched closer to the table, I watched her movements,

"I was just reading up on you two, mostly your friend," she inched a little closer to the table,

"why?" her eyes flickered to the table and I saw I medical tray resting on it, metal tools that looked sharp but her eyes were resting on the syringe that held the sedative, I moved towards her and she reached for it frantically, tipping the tray into the air, the contents tumbling to the ground.

I locked my hands around the tops of her arms, I could feel my nerves snapping, not only was she reading all the things I had kept quiet for so long she was planning on sticking me with a needle. I hated those needles.

I shook her and she gasped, "Why were you reading our files?" I asked again, my voice louder due to my uncontrollable rage.

Everything I had spoken to Edward about was in that file, everything I had told Carlisle. This woman had violated them, destroyed whatever progress was made in those sessions, she had taken the privacy away from private moments. She looked at me and pushed off my arms, I tried to grab her back but she scrambled backwards. She fell to the floor, her breathing erratic, I tried to pull her up, she hadn't given me and answer, and she had ignored me. She turned and used both her hands to push me away from her.

My body hurtled into the counter on the other side of the station. It hit the bottom of my back harder because my own clumsiness had forced my whole bodyweight into the collision with the wood. I looked over at Jessica and she was scrambling to her feet, she rushed towards me with her arms raised slightly, I got a brief glimpse of the needle in her hand. And moved away from the side, she tried to grab my arms to hold me still but I shouted out, pleading for someone to help.

"Shut up," she shouted, trying to slap me. I fumbled back onto the floor, crawling backwards as she advanced on me with the needle, there was a more than a whole dose in that thing, I wasn't sure that in the heat of our struggle she was going to be concerned with not pushing plunger all the way down and poisoning my system with enough sedative to kill me.

I looked around me to find something, anything. And saw a sliver of metal under the arm chair leg that I was currently cowering against. I blindly reached for whatever it was grabbing it in my hand. I Iet out a tiny scream when the blade of the scalpel penetrated the skin just under my thumb, I yanked it out and held the thing out at Jessica, my hands dripping with blood and shaking in the fear of that needle coming into contact with my skin. She came at me with the needle again, and I swiped at her with the sharp tool. I thrust my arm up, not knowing if I reached her or not. I opened my eyes and she fell to her knees clutching at her throat. Her blood trickled down my hands and my arms. I stared at her wide eyed and shaking. She let out a gurgled sob and fell in front of me, her head inches from my ankles.

I stood up, trying to keep my balance. Her blood was all over my hands. My body was numb, colder than ice.

He hadn't stopped me, his voice hadn't reprimanded me, and he didn't say a word. As if he wasn't there. He had to be there. He wouldn't abandon me.

I stood there covered in the woman's blood, looking down at the body. No I can't do this, I didn't. I was getting better,

"I WAS GETTING BETTER." I yelled into the open space of the office. I fell against the wall clutching my hands to my chest; my breathing had escalated into hyperventilation as I slid down the wall to the ground. "I was getting better," I whispered, crying into my blood stained hands.

"Bella?" _his _voice rang out, it was too late; he was going to find me.

**OMG OMG OMG...yeah I'm going to be mean and let you wait for the next one... toodles...**


	14. I remember

**yeah I know that was mean... I'm not making up for it in this one either...its a rather short one....**

"Bella?" _his _voice rang out, it was too late; he was going to find me.

He ran into the small room, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw the body, the pool of blood almost touching me from where I sat sobbing. he had a look of terror in his face. He ran over to me, dropped to his knees and embraced me, shielding me from the body, wrapping me up in his arms,

"Bella, it's okay, shush, it's okay,"

"She came at me Edward she was going to hurt me. She had the needle," I sobbed into his chest, clutching at the thin shirt he was wearing, getting her blood all over him.

"It's okay now Bella, calm down." I cried into his chest,

"What...what are you doing here?" I asked my sobs wracking my chest violently,

"I fell asleep in the office, I heard you shouting..." he rocked me gently and for a few seconds I was at peace, it was natural. He was holding me, I was finally back in his arms, and then I was reminded of something,

"Edward do you remember?"

"Yes, I remember, I remember everything, I love you," he kissed the top of my head and I leant into him, throwing my arms around his neck and sobbing into his shoulder, "shush Bella," I leant back and looked into his eyes, they were filled with tears,

"Everything?" I questioned,

"Every last thing," he confirmed.

_He moved his head again to look at my face, I tilted my head up and I looked into his eyes, a faint smile was still there on his lips, I saw his face come closer to mine, and my nose skimmed his cheek. My breath hitched as our lips met for the first ever time. He brushed his mouth against mine at first, then his lips pressed down gently, his one hand came up to run round to the back of my neck. I let out a tiny sigh as his lips started to move against mine, the kiss was very sweet. As he pulled back his face composed into a blissful happy. He slid his hand back down to my waist and I looked into his eyes for a short second and then rested my head against his shoulder,_

I crushed my lips to his, kissing him furiously, my blood stained fingers twined in his hair, bringing him closer to me, he kissed me back and I could taste our tears on our lips. I knew that everything would be alright now, that he remembered. We could be together, just like we used to. He would kiss me now, then hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. I could leave this place and be with him, I would be with him, I couldn't exist any other way, and if he truly remembered what we had, neither could he. I felt his arms tighten around me and he freed my lips to breathe my name against them.

I felt a sharp pain in my arm and I pulled back away from him, his emerald eyes were overflowing with his tears, as he pulled the needle from my skin. My eyes drooped and I became limp in his arms, arms that tightened even more around me. I felt his lips kiss my forehead as he whispered over and over,

"I'm so sorry Bella, I love you, I love you,"

***tear*  
I know its soooooo sad....but I shall post the first ending...*sniff* then the second one.......tomorrow...  
**

**okay so I don't usually plan my stories....I kind of keep typing and see what comes out of it....sometimes when I proof read I cut scenes or add scenes but that's not the point...the point is that I didn't see this happening till it happened...I know its weird but I do just keep typing and hope for the best....so...this is why there are two endings...the first which is the ending I typed to begin with...which seemed like the logical ending....you'll see why....but being an obsessive Twilight Edward and Bella fan....I hated it so I had to go back re write the ending, which you will also see....  
****the whole typing a story without really having any premise or goals for future chapters can be rather annoying because sometimes I just come up with drabbles or stuff that doesnt make sense, but as a online story writer...its been called a gift...lol...oh well.....enjoy the small wait for the endings.....**

**:)**


	15. He's Gone? ending 1

**Yay...I got my Cullen Crest today....wheee...but...Since I won't be at the Laptop Till Tuesday...I thought I'd Put this ending up....**

***sigh* Here be the first ending...I like to refer to it as the sad ending...yeah the _sad_ ending....**

"Bella? Can you hear me?" Carlisle's voice broke my drug induced haze,

"Edward?" I heard my voice say, where was he? And why was Carlisle with me?

"Bella, Edwards not here," his voice sounded sympathetic, I opened my eyes and he was standing next to me, with a clipboard in his hand, "hey," he smiled, "how are you feeling?"

The truth?

"I feel like I was just jabbed with a needle that contained enough tranq to knock out a baby elephant," I groaned, I looked around the room, "where is Edward?" he wasn't here, I could hear my heart monitor creeping up and I tried to sit up. Only to find leather straps holding me to the bed, "what's this?" I indicated to the restraints,

"Bella do you remember what happened?"

I let my head fall back to the bed, I tried to remember, and then it hit me. Her body falling before me, clutching at her neck. My hands dropping the scalpel, Edward hadn't told me to stop, he wasn't there, his voice never said anything, he didn't reprimand me, I just carried on.

"Where's Edward!?" I half cried, I tried to sit up again, the tears flowing freely down my face, Carlisle tried to get me to lie back, and he called a nurse as my attempts at getting free became more hysteric. I killed someone and his voice had let me carry on, he hadn't tried to stop me. And now the real Edward was gone too, maybe he couldn't handle having the memories or a murderer as a patient and a lover.

The nurse came in the room brandishing a needle, ugh not again. I didn't want to sleep, I wanted to get up and find Edward to tell him I was sorry, that I didn't mean it.

"Keep her still," Carlisle's instructed the nurse, she held my shoulders down and he pressed the needle into my skin, pushing the plunger down. Almost instantly I felt the darkness creep over my eyelids,

I was in a room, it was black, yet the darkness was tangible, as if I could touch it almost.

"_Edward?" I whispered into the dark, the lights came on quick but dim. There stood my Edward by the light switch, I looked around the room, and there was a small table in the centre, with a large floral centre piece, freesias. Edward had always said he loved that my skin smelt of freesias._

_He pulled a small black rectangle from his pocket and pointed behind me with it, I turned and his compositions filled the room. I looked at the black speaker and he came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I leant my head back onto his shoulder,_

"_Bella would you like to dance?" he whispered in my ear before kissing the lobe._

"_Edward you know I can't..."_

"_Don't be silly, here..." he spun me around, and I noticed what he was wearing. It was a plain black tux, so simple, yet on him it looked so elegant._

"_You look so beautiful," he leaned down to murmur in my ear, he lifted my hand and laid his other on my waist, he began leading me in slow deliberate circles. I couldn't believe I was dancing._

"_You don't look too bad yourself," I smiled, the song that was on finished, and another came on almost instantly, a new one._

"_Happy anniversary," he smiled back, leaning down to kiss my lips, it was slow and sweet, his hand dropped mine to trace from my hairline, down my cheek and round to the back of my neck, tangaling his fingers with my curls as the kiss deepened. My own hands rushed to his bronze hair, becoming acquainted with it once more._

Then I was pulled away from his lips, pulled back to the room I was restrained in. I opened my eyes but shut them quickly, the light was so blinding at first. I blinked a couple of times before opening them again. I was alone in the room.

I groaned at the effect of the drugs, I tried to move, but I was still captured. My joints were stiff and uncomfortable from being in the same positions for however many hours.

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice alerted me, ugh I was beginning to hate the sound of my own name. "You're awake," he smiled friendlily at me.

"How long have I been here?" I asked the idle question.

"Um...about two days now,"

Two days? I had been out two days?

"Where is Edward?" I asked for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"Bella," he sat down in the chair at the side of the bed, "Edward isn't here,"

"Where is he then?"

"He died, Bella I've told you this,"

My world collapsed. What? Edward can't be dead, no he wasn't, I refused to believe it, but the logical part of me asked a question I didn't want to know,

"When?" I croaked,

He took a large breath, "he died a few months ago Bella, I told you when you were in the garden, do you remember?"

A few months ago? In the garden, that couldn't be, I just talked to him two days ago, he drugged me after I stabbed Jessica.

"No, that not true, that can't be true, I was talking to him, I could see him, he played the piano for me..." I cried,

"Bella, his heart gave out, I have explained this before,"

I shook my head and closed my eyes; it's not true it can't be true,

"_**Bella I have some bad news, would you like to go inside?" **_

_**I shook my head; I liked it in the garden, the only non grey area in this whole place,**_

"_**ok if that suits you better, I know how you love the garden," he smiled at me but it didn't reach his eyes, "Bella, Edward's heart gave out this morning, the doctor said that he never woke up, he just passed peacefully in his sleep," he paused, **_

"_**Where is Carlisle?" I asked,**_

"_**Bella I'm here, and I promise to do anything I can to help you through this, ok?"**_

"_**And don't do that" **_

"_**Bella?"**_

"_**That..." I narrowed my eyes, "stop analysing everything I'm doing, at least wait for therapy,"**_

"_**If that is what you wish, I'll leave you till three." He stood up to leave,**_

"_**Where is he?" Carlisle stopped in his tracks; he sighed and looked at me, **_

"_**He is in Chicago Bella, with his family, he is going to be buried there,"**_

"No this can't be happening,"

"Bella it has, can you understand?" he was talking at me but my brain wasn't registering it, Edward couldn't be dead. People had talked to him, people had seen him. Jessica flirted with him, Jessica,

_**She threw her hands up and patted his shoulder with her left hand, and he must have noticed her ring, because she held it at arm's length to admire it before waving her hand dismissively. **_

_**His eyes met mine then and he addressed her without looking at her, and made his way over to me, she looked puzzled then walked off in the opposite direction with her hand held close to her ear. **_As if she were on the phone,

"_**When will I get to see him?" , **_"_**I didn't hear the piano..."**_ Alice's words came back to me,

"No,"

"_Bella listen to him, its important,"_ his voice spoke to me, I knew it, I knew he wasn't dead.

"Bella, we can put you on new medication, help you through your grief but you need to trust us, starting with believing that Edward is dead,"

"_He is telling the truth Bella, please_," he was sobbing, my Edward was sobbing. Carlisle was right? Edward was dead? I shook my head again, fresh tears falling,

"No Edward you can't be dead," I answered him out loud,

"_I am,"_ he sobbed again, "_Bella please listen to Carlisle, let him help you. Let me go...please? For me? Get better_,"

"I can't get better without you..." I cried, I vaguely heard a nurse come back into the room to sedate me, Carlisle telling her to leave me for a minute,

"_Please Bella_?"

"But I can't live without you,"

There was silence, nothing. I knew he wasn't there anymore, but I still shouted his name, I still called for him to come back to me.

"He is gone, Carlisle. Carlisle he's gone," I whimpered. My Romeo was dead, and I, his Juliet was sure to follow, I couldn't live in a world where he did not exist, I wasn't sure that was even possible,

"Yes Bella, I know." He came over to the bed and hugged me as much as the restraints would allow.

I cried for hours, and I knew that was a sign, that I was accepting it. I did accept it. Edward was gone, and there was nothing I could do to bring him back. I stopped hallucinating and kept taking my meds. Carlisle, after explaining everything to my now conscious mind, he had held everyone of my therapy sessions, he had found me with the scalpel, he had drugged me, and he had testified for me, the courts decided that since I was provoked, and in my mental state that I wasn't held accountable for deliberate murder, but self defense.

Alice had been released, after a long internal study of her behaviour, they deduced that she was healthy enough to be taken care of by her fiancée. About a year after she got out I followed. The first place I went? His grave stone. It was silent in the cemetery but I liked it, it gave me a chance to talk to him, truly talk to him. I told him that I missed him and that I loved him and that I would come back next month to see him again.

Jacob helped me get an apartment in Seattle, near Alice and Jasper's place, and helped me move in. And I got on with my life, not forgetting him. I could never forget him. I just remembered him, everything about him, and it made me happy to know that his last request I could fulfil, I got better.

**You see what I mean? how unfair was that?**

**I'd like to clear up a few things, Carlisle was holding all of her sessions, He thought that if Bella could embrace her hallucinations, that she would be able to work through her grief, he was unaware that she had not been taking her meds, which is why she hadnt progressed. **

**when she had stabbed Jessica, Carlisle found her sobbing, talked to her, telling her it was okay, she asked him if he remembered and THEN he stuck her with the needle, afraid she would snap out of her hallucinations at some point, the kiss, was in her imagination, her noticing the needle was a delayed reaction...get it? **

**the Jessica thing, she had been caught going through personal files before, but as she came up with a valid excuse wasnt dissmissed, this time Carlisle testified in favour of Bella, and the courts ruled that it was self defense...**

**Wow im really coming up with a back story to this ending huh? awesome...**

**My friend was reading it in front of me and she was holding back tears...*sigh*  
me personally I was angry at it....lol...so my personal happy version will be up in a few days...I'll just let you dwell on this chapter for a while.... :)**

**And review... They help...really.... :) thankies.....**


	16. Edward Ending 2

**Okay so I found an internet cafe..yay.....**

**.....So noone saw that coming huh? this ending is shorter...WAY shorter...and similar to the other one....so...here be my happy ending...yay....**

I awoke to a strange room; it was grey so I knew I was still at the hospital.

"Edward?"

"I'm here," I looked over and he was there, my Edward was here with me. "How are you felling?"

The truth?

"I feel like I was just jabbed with a needle that contained enough tranq to knock out a baby elephant," I groaned, I looked around the room, I tried to sit up. Only to find leather straps holding me to the bed, "what's this?" I indicated to the restraints, falling back onto the bed,

"Bella do you remember what happened?"

I let my head fall back to the bed, I tried to remember, and then it hit me. Her body falling before me, clutching at her neck. My hands dropping the scalpel, Edward hadn't told me to stop, he wasn't there, his voice never said anything, he didn't reprimand me, I just carried on. But then he was there, really there. He was holding me, he kissed me.

"Jessica," I whispered,

"Yes, she's not too happy," he murmured, my head lifted up

"She's alive?"

"Yes, you missed her main artery, I managed to get help after I..." he trailed off and dropped his head, when he brought it back up his eyes were filled with tears, his expression broke my heart. He felt guilty, because he had drugged me, but I could never let my angel suffer,

"Edward its okay...you did the right thing," he crossed the small space between us and curled his fingers around mine, his other came to stroke my head soothingly,

"You were so scared, and I know how much you hate needles," his voice was quiet;

"_Ugh needles," I shivered, Edward tightened his grip on my fingers as the nurse inserted the needle into my arms, I scrunched my eyes up and moved my head away, Edward chuckled._

I closed my eyes and a few happy tears escaped. He remembered he really did. I felt his lips brush the liquid from my cheeks and I opened my eyes, "I love you so much," he whispered into my skin. I let out a relived laugh,

"I love you too, I always will,"

He laughed and sniffed, he was crying too. He bent down and pressed his lips onto mine in a tender kiss.

Edward was transferred to a large hospital in Seattle, I stayed in Forks, though he visited me every week. Carlisle returned to work after his wife, Esme, had given birth, and he resumed my therapy. I stopped hallucinating and kept taking my meds, Alice had been released, after a long internal study of her behaviour, they deduced that she was healthy enough to be taken care of by her fiancée. About a month after Alice got out I followed. Jessica was fired from her job and dismissed as a nurse under violation of the confidentiality law and threatening a patient.

I moved in with Edward and he proposed again, saying that after six years apart we needed it. We were together again, the years apart couldnt be erased, Edward had a new life and I built mine back up, it was just a case of merging them together. I got back in touch with Jacob and I resisted the urge to say 'I told you so' even though he told me to. He hugged me so tightly and whispered that it was good to have me back.

And I _was_ back.

**Now wasn't that better, shorter yes...but nicer....  
Okay so thank you to everyone who reviewed...I wake up and have all these emails in my inbox from reviews favorites or story alerts and I giggle...they are THAT awesome...  
**

**so now we've reached the end, tell me what you thought of the story in its entirety or which ending you prefered...thankies... :)**


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